P's in a Pod

dear mother of god I am the personification of procrastination and apathy. one would think that with all the time on my hands of late i'd have whipped this alphabet thing by its balls and slid into the new year done and dusted and ready for the next challenge. hah! whilst the rest of the world get their a's into g for the 2012 a to z i'm pondering peas pee's and the letter p.
(as an aside i have to say that the only things i truly organise so far in advance are air bookings so i'm not feeling too guilty about almost being lapped by the new alphabet team. and besides, i absolutely cannot face doing it again do it this april as my tickets were booked months ago for my trip to tuscany. yeeeha!!!!)

Nothing like having to pause my penmanship because of a surprise visit from my dearest pals. I feel positively energised!!
So now where was I....apart from laboriously leading up to the point I was going to make. 

P for Present. 

No...not the gift wrapped variety although what it represents IS a gift. 

Time...being present in the moment. Savouring the time as it occurs. And of course being there for your loved ones, for yourself...offering up your presence.

I've rediscovered the fact that I absolutely do not flourish when I have time on my hands. My pre~christmas hospitalisation laid me low and precluded me from being able to partake in my normal pastimes. I didn't even bother with festivities. That didn't hassle me at all really. It was the inactivity. And of course that led to an overactive mulling of past issues...future issues... as opposed to using the time productively and ...for example...polishing up my pathetic grasp of the Portuguese language, tidying up my cupboards, clearing clutter...any-damned-thing!

stunning artwork by Amanda Cass

How often do we worry about things that have yet to come or beat ourselves up for mistakes that we’ve made, no matter how much time has passed? The answer is too much. Not only will living in the present have a dramatic effect on our emotional well-being, but it can also impact our physical health. It’s a known fact that the amount of mental stress we carry can have a detrimental affect on our health. (hah!..my stitches come out on wednesday!) We know this yet still we mull instead of being mindful.

Practicing mindfulness (isn’t that a beautiful word!) means we practice awareness in all our actions. Whether we are washing dishes or tying our shoe laces, our mind is focused on whatever we are doing. We are not thinking about the bills that we have to pay, or the phone call we need to make. We are simply living in the moment; minding our own business. And of course there is nothing simple about it except it is a simple choice that we either do this or we don't.

The thought that resonates with me is that if we are living in the present, we are living in acceptance. We are accepting life as it is now, not as how we wish it would or could have been. When we’re living in acceptance we realize everything is just as it is. If we live in the past we can’t do anything about it, it’s gone. If we worry about the future we’re living somewhere that’s just a concept...that doesn’t exist as it hasn’t happened yet. And probably wont! That does not mean that we do the capitulation shoulder shrug or the denial pony tail flick when the shit hits the fan. If we really believe our life sucks and we want to change it, the only place we can do it is in the present. But first we need to accept life as it is. Like a benchmark.

Each time you mindfully let go of thoughts about how life should be, or how life was, let go of the ifs buts and maybes and what ifs and woe is me's and enjoy life as it is, you change your brain. I become very calm when I do this. And the more you do this the more you strengthen that choice 'muscle' making the habit of mindfulness easier and easier. In essence, in every moment there is a choice. But of course if you are like me you forget to do this when you have enough time on your hands to chew through your elbows! If you are like me in no time at all you feel pitiful and pathetic. In essence you give up your personal power. How's them two p's!! But I know - absolutely - that by just pausing and focusing on, for example, taking a deep breath, or on each footstep while taking a walk, savouring the taste of a bite of food, I will get to not only live those few moments to the fullest, but slowly get back into the habit of being mindful.

When it comes down to it our mind is the only thing keeping us from living in the present.

Does that mean that we mustn't think about the past or the future? In a word, hell no. Not possible. Logic tells us that we generally plan for the future based on past actions. However by being mindful, by living skillfully in the present, we will be doing well what we have to do now, even if that means that what we are doing now is looking back to plan for the future. Yes I know, slightly convoluted pondering.

“The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, worry about the future, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly.” – Buddha

a sweet pea...my birth flower

O, Oh, Owe

I have some more Obscure words. This time they are Obsessions:

Oenomania ~ obsession or craze for wine

Oniomania ~ mania for making purchases

 

Hmm...methinks we could kill two birds with one stone there. Oh and this one is obsolete (take a deep breath and repeat as quick as you can):

Omphaloskepsis om-fe-lo-skep'sis, n

(Greek, from omphalos navel and skepsis query, doubt)

Navel-gazing.

This extraordinarily rare word is not normally used literally, but instead to refer to the sort of introspective self-analysis all too common in academia and pop psychology. A favourite pastime of postmodern philosophers, especially when used facetiously to refer to the habit of mentally considering everything while ignoring the real world.

 



"I'm never overwhelmed or under it either; just nicely whelmed.

I'm OK.

Nothing spectacular but sometimes special.

I look in the mirror and see this medium average person.

A little tired, a little sad, but not falling apart."  

- Cecelia Ahern, Thanks for the Memories  

I have also come to understand the importance of having Options. They allow one to feel less wrought, less whelmed (I'm borrowing that word for ever!) I also absolutely love the colour Orange as an accent but never combined with chocolate as a flavour.

Thank you all for the kindness and support...means more than you can imagine

xxx

negative would have been positive...

“That’s the great paradox of living on this earth, that in the midst of great pain you can have great joy as well. If we didn’t have those things we’d just be numb.”

Kathy Mattea

Today didn't work out the way I'd hoped it would...the way I really thought it was going to.

My 'N' was going to be for negative but it turned out positive so all I have is numb.

Sigh...

Mmm... thanks

"Mammograms are really sort of a gift. You can either catch something early or count your lucky stars because nothing was discovered. Either way, you're ahead of the game." Charlotte Ross

The recent celebrations involving thousands of turkeys led me to ask Uncle Google what the origins of this holiday were. He told me that it all started when a group of Pilgrims left Plymouth, England, on September 6, 1620. Their destination? The New World. Although filled with uncertainty and peril, it offered both civil and religious liberty.

For over two months, the 102 passengers braved the harsh elements of a vast storm- tossed sea. Finally, in late November, with firm purpose and a reliance on Divine Providence, the cry of “Land!” was heard.

This little Pilgrim has also had a journey of sorts. It all started in March when I was back in Cape Town taking advantage of vast supplies of wondrous Chardonnay my remaining health insurance and proximity to my Doctors, amongst other things! The year before when I’d been there getting my residence visa’s for Portugal sorted out I’d done the same thing and also decided that it was time to put on my big girl panties and have a colonoscopy as well as the rest of the usual check-ups. That was a joy as no sooner had I gotten those big girl panties back on I was in surgery having a chunk of my colon chopped out. Suffice to say that experience had left me feeling a tad vulnerable. Anyway on this trip back it was time for the Girls to be checked again.    

No it’s not a comfortable procedure but its quick and really should be compulsory. The crap part is the size of the cubicle that they sit you down in to await your fate. And wait I did. Eventually I realized there was something amiss which was confirmed 2 hours later after 5 scans of the left gal and the need for a few new magazines to read. And still there was debate about who was seeing what where. If you spend longer than necessary in these types of places you see lots of very sick people and start alternating between counting your lucky stars and shitting yourself. 

Eventually I was taken through for an ultrasound and I don’t know what I remember being worse...the dude sticking his elbow right into the colon op scar or him saying they needed to get hold of a breast surgeon.

You know we can sit and postulate all we like about what we will or wont do in this or that situation but here’s the thing...in times like these you hit the wall of your own truth so hard that there is no option...you have to have an opinion and a plan. Okay first you have a panic. I was flying out 2 days later and in the midst of trying to keep a lid on my hysteria it hit me that I wasn’t just going overseas...I was going home. 

It was in that moment that I knew it was time to test out the medical system here on the island even though it, like the New World all those years ago was also filled with uncertainty, but hopefully not peril. I got the blessing from the woman who has been my Gynecologist forEVER and in a flash my entire medical history and all my scans were loaded onto a CD and I was good to go. One HAS to be thankful for the ease at which shit like that happens these days; at how small it makes the world and how international a language digitizing has become.

And I could not have asked for kinder care once I got back here. Slow...because we all bob along in the sea of the public health system so one does have to do a certain amount of waiting. One must therefore give thanks for the fact that one has a kindle! But they were thorough. All of the tests I’d had done in Cape Town they did again. They took 5 biopsies and could have waved me on my way saying all was well but no, they went the extra mile and booked me in for surgery to get an absolutely certain result. It is SO weird being so completely foreign in a hospital. The other 2 gals in the ward with me spoke no english so I really had no idea what they were having done. All I knew was that I was second in line for theatre. The younger one went in first and four hours later it was my turn so I knew it must have been major. And it was. Because her mother had died of breast cancer she was booked in for a mastectomy when her mammogram showed an inflammation - not cancer mind you, just an inflammation! So young!! Clearly these dudes don't take any chances!

And yes I’ve had problems with my scar and the stitches and the whole wound healing shit but this little Pilgrim is nothing but grateful for the fact that thus far she is intact. 

And at last...finally, late this November, tomorrow in fact, with firm purpose and a reliance on Divine Providence, I am hoping for the cry of “Negative!” when I have - hopefully - my final appointment.

...we interrupt this long and winding alphabet

...to wish y'all a Happy Thanks Giving

Artwork from Story People by Brian Andreas