roll those rrrrrrr's

It really is as simple as that. 

One can wax lyrical about the relationship between reaping and sowing or the abundance and kindness of reciprocity but unless you have respect for self you have nothing to give. 

The wise ones go on about how one has to give it in order to get it. I really don't think that it should be about the getting of respect. Way too much emphasis is laid at that damned door. The perception is that if one is not getting respect then one must be a lesser mortal...not enough as is. Lives can be altered buying into that shit! I mean think about the hoops one jumps through at times in order to crack the nod. And why? Because we are made to feel we are not enough. One should not NEED to 'get 'if one 'has'. And if one has self respect then one is enough. 
And we all have it...we all start out with it totally intact. 
Of course if a child is put down, criticised and disparaged all its life then yes... it will WANT it. So here's the thing... prospective parents should make sure their respect for self is nice and strong and self sufficient before they take on the responsibility of having children. I mean how on earth can one teach a child about self respect when one has none? 
How will a mother be able to set an example to her daughters about respect if she has none for herself; if she allows the father to abuse her at any level? 
And if a father uses fear as a means to gain respect then that poor child will spend its life living in fear and yearning for and trying to get his approval. 
Of course once the big bad world is let in on this scenario that poor child will have become so accustomed to the fact that they are not worthy unless they are respected by others. Fuck that I say!!  I believe that what we should be teaching our children from the get go is how to preserve one's self respect...how to have more respect for oneself...how to put into perspective the value of respect from others. This should be our religion!! Have faith in your self first and the rest will follow.


It is quite a thing to realise that that big black hole of need in one's life is due to the fact that a lot of the significant others in one's childhood... in my childhood ...my life ...were...are...so lacking in self respect. It's taken me a long time to realise that I have never needed respect from these significant people and if they have made me feel less than enough then  shame on them...shame on them for the little girl that once was. But the good thing is the little girl is a big girl now and she can see these things. 
The irony is that the less one feels the need for it the more one will just get it. You think about the people you really respect; if they are anything like the ones in my life then they will be folk who are resoundingly secure in their own skin, in their respect for self. They will also be resoundingly few and far between!! 
Of course we all have our little quirks of insecurity if we scratch beneath the surface but those will be the ebbs and flows of life, the occasional bumps like turbulence in our flight. They will not be life defining if we have that solid base of self respect. 

'Whatever you have forgotten, you can remember. Whatever you have buried you can unearth. If you are willing to look deep in your own nature, if you are willing to peel away the layers of not-self you have adopted in making your way through the tribulations of life, you will find that your true self is not as far removed as you think.'

-Meredith Jordan

the quintessential quote

This quote was included in a recent newsletter from the passion of my previous life... the theatrical world; and we all know how much I love quotes so I'm thinking two birds one stone! 

“If you cannot understand my argument, and declare "It's Greek to me", you are quoting Shakespeare; 

if you claim to be more sinned against than sinning, 

you are quoting Shakespeare; 

if you recall your salad days, 
you are quoting Shakespeare; 

if you act more in sorrow than in anger; 

if your wish is farther to the thought; 

if your lost property has vanished into thin air, 

you are quoting Shakespeare; 

if you have ever refused to budge an inch or suffered from green-eyed jealousy, if you have played fast and loose, 

if you have been tongue-tied, a tower of strength, hoodwinked or in a pickle, if you have knitted your brows, made a virtue of necessity, insisted on fair play, 
slept not one wink, stood on ceremony, 

danced attendance (on your lord and master), 

laughed yourself into stitches, had short shrift, cold comfort or too much of a good thing, if you have seen better days or lived in a fool's paradise -why, be that as it may, the more fool you, for it is a foregone conclusion that you are (as good luck would have it) quoting Shakespeare; if you think it is early days 
and clear out bag and baggage, 

if you think it is high time and that that is the long and short of it, if you believe that the game is up and that truth will out even if it involves your own flesh and blood, 

if you lie low till the crack of doom because you suspect foul play, if you have your teeth set on edge (at one fell swoop) without rhyme or reason, then - to give the devil his due - if the truth were known 

(for surely you have a tongue in your head) 
you are quoting Shakespeare; 

even if you bid me good riddance and send me packing, 

if you wish I was dead as a door-nail, if you think I am an eyesore, a laughing stock, the devil incarnate, a stony-hearted villain, bloody-minded or a blinking idiot, then - by Jove! O Lord! Tut tut! For goodness' sake! 

What the dickens! But me no buts! - it is all one to me, for you are quoting Shakespeare.” 

― Bernard Levin

If you think about it this could be a great script to tuck away into one's repertoire ... you know...for those occasions when one needs to whip out a soliloquy!

P's in a Pod

dear mother of god I am the personification of procrastination and apathy. one would think that with all the time on my hands of late i'd have whipped this alphabet thing by its balls and slid into the new year done and dusted and ready for the next challenge. hah! whilst the rest of the world get their a's into g for the 2012 a to z i'm pondering peas pee's and the letter p.
(as an aside i have to say that the only things i truly organise so far in advance are air bookings so i'm not feeling too guilty about almost being lapped by the new alphabet team. and besides, i absolutely cannot face doing it again do it this april as my tickets were booked months ago for my trip to tuscany. yeeeha!!!!)

Nothing like having to pause my penmanship because of a surprise visit from my dearest pals. I feel positively energised!!
So now where was I....apart from laboriously leading up to the point I was going to make. 

P for Present. 

No...not the gift wrapped variety although what it represents IS a gift. 

Time...being present in the moment. Savouring the time as it occurs. And of course being there for your loved ones, for yourself...offering up your presence.

I've rediscovered the fact that I absolutely do not flourish when I have time on my hands. My pre~christmas hospitalisation laid me low and precluded me from being able to partake in my normal pastimes. I didn't even bother with festivities. That didn't hassle me at all really. It was the inactivity. And of course that led to an overactive mulling of past issues...future issues... as opposed to using the time productively and ...for example...polishing up my pathetic grasp of the Portuguese language, tidying up my cupboards, clearing clutter...any-damned-thing!

stunning artwork by Amanda Cass

How often do we worry about things that have yet to come or beat ourselves up for mistakes that we’ve made, no matter how much time has passed? The answer is too much. Not only will living in the present have a dramatic effect on our emotional well-being, but it can also impact our physical health. It’s a known fact that the amount of mental stress we carry can have a detrimental affect on our health. (hah!..my stitches come out on wednesday!) We know this yet still we mull instead of being mindful.

Practicing mindfulness (isn’t that a beautiful word!) means we practice awareness in all our actions. Whether we are washing dishes or tying our shoe laces, our mind is focused on whatever we are doing. We are not thinking about the bills that we have to pay, or the phone call we need to make. We are simply living in the moment; minding our own business. And of course there is nothing simple about it except it is a simple choice that we either do this or we don't.

The thought that resonates with me is that if we are living in the present, we are living in acceptance. We are accepting life as it is now, not as how we wish it would or could have been. When we’re living in acceptance we realize everything is just as it is. If we live in the past we can’t do anything about it, it’s gone. If we worry about the future we’re living somewhere that’s just a concept...that doesn’t exist as it hasn’t happened yet. And probably wont! That does not mean that we do the capitulation shoulder shrug or the denial pony tail flick when the shit hits the fan. If we really believe our life sucks and we want to change it, the only place we can do it is in the present. But first we need to accept life as it is. Like a benchmark.

Each time you mindfully let go of thoughts about how life should be, or how life was, let go of the ifs buts and maybes and what ifs and woe is me's and enjoy life as it is, you change your brain. I become very calm when I do this. And the more you do this the more you strengthen that choice 'muscle' making the habit of mindfulness easier and easier. In essence, in every moment there is a choice. But of course if you are like me you forget to do this when you have enough time on your hands to chew through your elbows! If you are like me in no time at all you feel pitiful and pathetic. In essence you give up your personal power. How's them two p's!! But I know - absolutely - that by just pausing and focusing on, for example, taking a deep breath, or on each footstep while taking a walk, savouring the taste of a bite of food, I will get to not only live those few moments to the fullest, but slowly get back into the habit of being mindful.

When it comes down to it our mind is the only thing keeping us from living in the present.

Does that mean that we mustn't think about the past or the future? In a word, hell no. Not possible. Logic tells us that we generally plan for the future based on past actions. However by being mindful, by living skillfully in the present, we will be doing well what we have to do now, even if that means that what we are doing now is looking back to plan for the future. Yes I know, slightly convoluted pondering.

“The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, worry about the future, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly.” – Buddha

a sweet pea...my birth flower

O, Oh, Owe

I have some more Obscure words. This time they are Obsessions:

Oenomania ~ obsession or craze for wine

Oniomania ~ mania for making purchases

 

Hmm...methinks we could kill two birds with one stone there. Oh and this one is obsolete (take a deep breath and repeat as quick as you can):

Omphaloskepsis om-fe-lo-skep'sis, n

(Greek, from omphalos navel and skepsis query, doubt)

Navel-gazing.

This extraordinarily rare word is not normally used literally, but instead to refer to the sort of introspective self-analysis all too common in academia and pop psychology. A favourite pastime of postmodern philosophers, especially when used facetiously to refer to the habit of mentally considering everything while ignoring the real world.

 



"I'm never overwhelmed or under it either; just nicely whelmed.

I'm OK.

Nothing spectacular but sometimes special.

I look in the mirror and see this medium average person.

A little tired, a little sad, but not falling apart."  

- Cecelia Ahern, Thanks for the Memories  

I have also come to understand the importance of having Options. They allow one to feel less wrought, less whelmed (I'm borrowing that word for ever!) I also absolutely love the colour Orange as an accent but never combined with chocolate as a flavour.

Thank you all for the kindness and support...means more than you can imagine

xxx

negative would have been positive...

“That’s the great paradox of living on this earth, that in the midst of great pain you can have great joy as well. If we didn’t have those things we’d just be numb.”

Kathy Mattea

Today didn't work out the way I'd hoped it would...the way I really thought it was going to.

My 'N' was going to be for negative but it turned out positive so all I have is numb.

Sigh...

Mmm... thanks

"Mammograms are really sort of a gift. You can either catch something early or count your lucky stars because nothing was discovered. Either way, you're ahead of the game." Charlotte Ross

The recent celebrations involving thousands of turkeys led me to ask Uncle Google what the origins of this holiday were. He told me that it all started when a group of Pilgrims left Plymouth, England, on September 6, 1620. Their destination? The New World. Although filled with uncertainty and peril, it offered both civil and religious liberty.

For over two months, the 102 passengers braved the harsh elements of a vast storm- tossed sea. Finally, in late November, with firm purpose and a reliance on Divine Providence, the cry of “Land!” was heard.

This little Pilgrim has also had a journey of sorts. It all started in March when I was back in Cape Town taking advantage of vast supplies of wondrous Chardonnay my remaining health insurance and proximity to my Doctors, amongst other things! The year before when I’d been there getting my residence visa’s for Portugal sorted out I’d done the same thing and also decided that it was time to put on my big girl panties and have a colonoscopy as well as the rest of the usual check-ups. That was a joy as no sooner had I gotten those big girl panties back on I was in surgery having a chunk of my colon chopped out. Suffice to say that experience had left me feeling a tad vulnerable. Anyway on this trip back it was time for the Girls to be checked again.    

No it’s not a comfortable procedure but its quick and really should be compulsory. The crap part is the size of the cubicle that they sit you down in to await your fate. And wait I did. Eventually I realized there was something amiss which was confirmed 2 hours later after 5 scans of the left gal and the need for a few new magazines to read. And still there was debate about who was seeing what where. If you spend longer than necessary in these types of places you see lots of very sick people and start alternating between counting your lucky stars and shitting yourself. 

Eventually I was taken through for an ultrasound and I don’t know what I remember being worse...the dude sticking his elbow right into the colon op scar or him saying they needed to get hold of a breast surgeon.

You know we can sit and postulate all we like about what we will or wont do in this or that situation but here’s the thing...in times like these you hit the wall of your own truth so hard that there is no option...you have to have an opinion and a plan. Okay first you have a panic. I was flying out 2 days later and in the midst of trying to keep a lid on my hysteria it hit me that I wasn’t just going overseas...I was going home. 

It was in that moment that I knew it was time to test out the medical system here on the island even though it, like the New World all those years ago was also filled with uncertainty, but hopefully not peril. I got the blessing from the woman who has been my Gynecologist forEVER and in a flash my entire medical history and all my scans were loaded onto a CD and I was good to go. One HAS to be thankful for the ease at which shit like that happens these days; at how small it makes the world and how international a language digitizing has become.

And I could not have asked for kinder care once I got back here. Slow...because we all bob along in the sea of the public health system so one does have to do a certain amount of waiting. One must therefore give thanks for the fact that one has a kindle! But they were thorough. All of the tests I’d had done in Cape Town they did again. They took 5 biopsies and could have waved me on my way saying all was well but no, they went the extra mile and booked me in for surgery to get an absolutely certain result. It is SO weird being so completely foreign in a hospital. The other 2 gals in the ward with me spoke no english so I really had no idea what they were having done. All I knew was that I was second in line for theatre. The younger one went in first and four hours later it was my turn so I knew it must have been major. And it was. Because her mother had died of breast cancer she was booked in for a mastectomy when her mammogram showed an inflammation - not cancer mind you, just an inflammation! So young!! Clearly these dudes don't take any chances!

And yes I’ve had problems with my scar and the stitches and the whole wound healing shit but this little Pilgrim is nothing but grateful for the fact that thus far she is intact. 

And at last...finally, late this November, tomorrow in fact, with firm purpose and a reliance on Divine Providence, I am hoping for the cry of “Negative!” when I have - hopefully - my final appointment.

'ell 'ath no fury...

...ergo there shall be no angst whilst we ponder the letter L!

Of course the first word that springs to mind is Love. She is closely followed by Life and Laughter. And did you know that there are a whole legion of Lost words? I've read that there are rare words, and the there are even rarer words, but only a very special word qualifies as a bona fide lost word. And by lost it is meant never used on the internet. There is now a whole website dedicated to them ...hmmm... I guess those that were once lost are now found.
A few years ago I received a list of words that Collins (I think) were proposing to have removed from the next print of their dictionaries. Evidently they felt there were now too many words in the English language so the lesser or never used ones were lined up for deletion to make way for newer ones. There was a mad panic amongst writers to use these endangered words as often as they could before print date to try and save them from extinction. I must look for that list as they were truly worthy words...much worthier than the likes of 'unfriend'…’meh’.
I don't know about you but I can get lost in lists of rare words...one finds words like Lairwite ~ a fine given to a married woman for adultery; evidently paid by her father! That alone might cause some to take pause and reconsider their morals! And what about Logogogue ~ one who issues laws or rules regarding words... not unlike the head honcho of Collin's but I guess CEO looks better than Logogogue behind one's name! And did you know that a Lambdoid means shapes like the letter Lambda (^) or "L"?

Anyway, in an effort to keep it Light and Limpid and not get too Largiloquent, my focus for this letter of my alphabet will be

Lavender

It's colour, aroma and simplicity strike such a chord in me not unlike this picture. Suffice to say I have a Lot of it growing in my garden.

The last time I was in Cape Town I drove far and wide hunting down a pink flowered variety to go with my treasured white one. And don't raise those eyebrows...it was only one little plant! The year before I transported...oh all right...smuggled...my curry tree, root cuttings from my precious rose bushes, the aforementioned white lavender plant along with a pink one and a yellow one...the last two subsequently died hence my quest.
I really do think we are getting off topic here people!!
Besides when I found a pink one, at a ridiculous price I might add, I was very thorough about washing off all the soil from the roots as its that that seems to bug the plant police. I guess they've had the Last Laugh as when it bloomed this summer it wasn't really that erm..Pink... not like the picture on the label. I Know...Lesson Learned...from now on I will just smuggle seeds in - although I'm pretty sure if they are hermetically sealed then it can't be deemed a smuggle! And no, there is no such a thing as a garden centre on this little island so to be fair (to me of course!) I have been forced into these bad habits!

I have a small plot of land that has lain fallow for all time and my plan is to slowly but surely grow enough of my beloved herb to replace the untold volumes of weeds that have found refuge there...imagine that!

Oooo...K (particle too)

Okay so my pinky promise 'tomorrow' has turned into a 'today' well over a week later…so be it.

Anyway… today is the day and its an auspicious day with its three elevens.

Now where was I?

Oh yes, turning towards the looking glass…hmmm.

There is nothing more important than the relationship we have with ourselves.

We know this …don’t we? We are not stupid…are we?

Yet we have it drummed into us that we need to put others’ needs before our own; be kind to others first; that any attention to self is selfish. And then to compound the whole thing we spend even more time beating ourselves up…how clever is that? How UNkind is that?

We all know what that delicious moment between sleeping and waking feels like…before life comes rushing at us.

So why does that feeling only last for a moment?

I think it’s because every morning when we wake up, before we have a conscious thought, we immediately log on to mypersonalsoundtrack dot com which tells us we are ‘too’ this or ‘too’ that and all our negative energy of anxiety, insecurity, anger and resentment comes rushing in. It’s like we have a drop down list in our head that tells us we are ‘too’ something, or not enough something else; less than, more than, early for, late for. And then of course we have all the ‘shoulda-coulda-woulda’ sound effects to jolly things up even more. Of course we wash that all down with a cup of guilt sugared with remorse and regret and THEN we get up, get dressed and go out into the world – the world whose needs we’ve been told we need to think of before our own. And it tells us even more versions of what we do or don’t lack! And then the Universe whispers in our ear that nirvana will be attained if we just let go of who we or others think we are supposed to be and be who we really are.

Shit…sit still for a moment world!

That concept, that idea of being who we really are, that got me asking myself… who are you Possum?

One person could see you as a genius who is wise and knows how to solve problems but another could see that same you-ness as being a know-it-all; being an inspiration to one could be another’s bossy and manipulative.

And of course all we remember, all we focus on, are the negative aspects of this spectrum, the criticized versions of who we are. Right? This sometimes has us jumping through hoops or behaving like chameleons in order to ‘belong’…to fit in.

But … if you sit still and think … just think about it… we might be too something for some people and not enough for others so in fact we just are… we are not ‘too’ anything… we are Worthy. And the kindest thing we can do for ourselves is consciously focus on that worthiness, on feeling comfortable in our own skin; accepting that no matter what you do belong.

We need to worry less about what people think or say and more about how we feel.  Just mind our own business and ask ourselves every morning when we wake up: What do I need to take care of myself today. I am pretty sure that if we change that inner soundtrack...change that negative default setting in our brain...we could go a long way to extending that morning deliciosity.(my own word)

If you want to be kind to others start with self. It is the only way.

Oh....K (part won)

 

ManKIND is generally no such thing. Kind, that is.

I started pondering this topic a few weeks ago and kept hitting my head up against a negative brick wall. I KNEW that I wanted my K word to be about KINDness but all I could focus on was UNkindness. Do you find yourself doing that or is it just me?

Or was it just me and what was happening those few weeks ago?

You see what happened was I got a surprise visit from my ex’s mother. Not a biggie you might think but I live on an island and in order to get to it considerable effort needs to be made. So one has to take a moment and ponder what the Universe was up to when she conspired to cross our paths.

The ex's Mother now lives in the UK and works for an agency that does “caring” work - looking after old people in their homes – but the gig that had her sailing into town, literally, was looking after some wingnut who was being sent on her annual cruise and needed minding rather than caring.

So you can imagine the rise of my eyebrows when I got the text asking me if I was going to be around then and if I was able to see her.

I must say in terms of being kind, she has been nothing but.

And yes, I could have said no. But I felt it was important to acknowledge the effort the Mother was making and her moxie, cos if you think about it there is a big difference in keeping in touch with me via text message and birthday or Christmas cards, to having me arrive to collect you from a cruise ship and bring you to the family house for a visit with my parents and I! I don’t know if I would have the balls to do that if I had a son who had treated his partner as UNkindly as hers has treated me and risk the wrath of the family.

But it was lovely seeing her and so nice that she was able to see where and what my new life is like, and lovely that she was able to see my parents again even though the whole time she was here there was a huge big stinking elephant in the middle of the room, so to speak! Just before I had to get her back to the ship I brought out a large package of all of the Dorkus’s precious stuff and asked if she were able to take it as I didn’t feel comfortable throwing it all away.

(Yes, his shit from our life together in South Africa is still in our basement garage in storage where it has been since we moved over here!)

Talk about hitting the elephant with a stick!!

She got very tearful and felt the need to apologise to me for how her son had treated me.  It transpires that the Dorkus is now married to some poor unsuspecting slag with 5 children from who knows how many previous marriages and they live in a one horse town in the middle of butt fuck nowhere in the Texas Panhandle. Oh, that’s right…5 children, 1 grandchild and (drum roll please…) an American citizenship. Although I really don’t think that the old trick of marrying an American to be "in status" works these post 9/11 days…however this news really did allow a lot of pieces to fall into place…finally! Ironically the Dorkus' Father, the Mother’s now ex husband, treated her equally UNkindly after over 45 years of marriage – took off with all her money and some trailerpark-ish slag.

I was surprised how upset I was by all of this, but not for the obvious reasons.  Not because there is now some other female sleeping in what was my bed with what was my man…dear god…she is welcome to that part of him with bells and whistles.

No, it was the careful planning and conniving that had gone into making this all happen. Making it all look like he was the victim and I was the big bad wolf in the story. It was the very VERY conscious choice to be UNkind to me…not just in general…but to me. THAT is what hurt.

“A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.” ~

Dave Barry, "Things That It Took Me 50 Years to Learn"

 When I read that quote I realized this was something that I had always known but chosen to ignore. His Mother even alluded to his streak of cruelty, how like his father he was behind his seemingly innocuous and kindly manner and this made her fearful for his sake. What I also realized was that for all this time that I have been getting on with my own life – laughing and doing and being and outwardly fine because the tears have stopped – the truth was there was still a huge amount of shit to deal with; still a whole heap of emotional cracks that I had just slapped a coat of paint over that actually still needed filling. Bugger!!

This also coincided with a gal here on the island, a so called friend, taking a big blunt knife and for absolutely no reason at all other then her own “issues”, sticking it into my back. So of course I made it all about me didn’t I?? I didn’t slip or fall, I JUMPED right back into that black hole of self justification, oh woe is me and how dare they, how could they; a veritable victim fuzz ball cocktail!

And all of this transpired when I was pondering KINDness! A big fat dilemma right? I just wanted to grab hold of it by the balls and shake it til it screamed!

But I didn’t. I stepped out onto my terrace one night when the bloody neighbours dogs were barking and keeping me awake; and realized why…it was full moon time. It was also time to call in the big guns; to practice what I have so often preached to my nearest and dearest; time to ask my Angels for help. But not just generalized help…very specific help. I asked them to get their asses right over to me and help me get right over this shit and let go of the sadness, the feelings of failure, the anger, the darkness. And I didn’t just want one of them here, I wanted the whole bloody “A” team!!

I really thought I had done this before but clearly I had not done it with intent because trust me, not a day has gone by since then that I have not received some or other validation that my Angels heard me and showed up. Silly little things like clicking on a website or blog and getting goose bumps because I just know that I have been pointed to whatever words I am reading, or whatever vimeo I click on either by mistake or on purpose, or even as far as when window shopping on Amazon for books to buy and the list of books that come up that “others” have bought that Amazon think I might like. Blow your mind away books that I DID buy and am busy reading!!  Even as we speak I know that there is more, that there will be more. And the recurring theme of the direction in which they have been pointing me is fear and forgiveness. Dealing with those two, in essence, is how I can be the kindest of all to myself. It is actually none of my business why the Dorkus chose to be so UNkind to me: my business is why I allowed it to happen to other people when I was with him – like the way he treated his ex wife, the way he treated his staff...

the way he spoke to the waiter!

In fact my only business in having allowed him to treat me the way he did when I was stuck out there in the middle of butt fuck nowhere in the Texas panhandle is not why I allowed it but how and what I am doing to move forward from that ever happening again and if there is a why…why am I not celebrating my freedom! Celebrating my me-ness

I have consciously resisted this whole forgiveness shit but I now realize that it is the path that I have to go down.

Okay change the wordage…not down…along…up…whatever J

It will most certainly not happen just because I say the words…it will happen because I feel them. And I must say there’s a whole lot of excitement I feel waking up every morning and consciously deciding that I will try to be kind in word, action and thought but let me tell you, it takes a LOT of intent and conscious effort.

But wait…there will be more…tomorrow!

Pinky promise people!

Jay walking into the light

I was strolling through words the other day...the ones we say on a regular basis, the ones that seem to pop into whatever we read or hear that then become part of who we are; ones that we sometimes stop and think and wonder.. "when the hell did that come into my vocabulary?". A word that I have long used but not used in a long time is jocular. It is such a jolly word; so apt. And also a J

That of course led me into another maze of 'J' words and I was astounded... okay not astounded as that’s a bit naive...lets just say I had en eyebrow-raising moment when I found a whole list of words with the same meaning:

jocularity   jocundity   jocoseness   jolliness   joviality

All of the above are nouns whose definition is: 

‘gaiety’

And in that same list of words was another that resonated...

joie de vivre

loosely translated from the french as: 

the joy of living

also a noun...one that feels very nice to say. Come now...say it with me...

zhwaduh vee-vruh

Isn’t that just a fabulous concept? Isn’t that what our energies should be spent on?

Sarah Ban Brethnach puts it so well: “when we choose not to focus on what is missing from our lives but are grateful for the abundance that's present--love, health, family, friends, work, the joys of nature, and personal pursuits that bring us pleasure--the wasteland of illusion falls away and we experience heaven on earth."

Yes I know, all too often life gets in the way and punches us in the throat and the whole heaven on earth bit might be a tad over the top. But I do believe that through thick and thin we can at least try to recognize and honour those bits of our lives that bring us joy. Its much like eating a plate of food, yes? How often do you cook a meal thinking of everything but the actual ingredients or process of preparation. You slap the food on a plate only to have the recipient maybe slurp it down whilst sat in front of the tv? Okay maybe a tad extreme....maybe not. What a difference it makes to consciously take notice of each and every element of that food preparation, each and every ingredient, texture and flavour and then have the recipients hit the pause button, sit down at a prepared table and en~JOY the meal.

I believe that one or two little moments of Joy in ones day will go a long way to diluting the sometimes unbearable pain we call life. I also believe that to get to this place requires a conscious decision...a choice. 

Don’t get me wrong..I have not come about this because my life is all shiny bobbing little ponytails and pockets of joy (and please don’t ask me what that all means; I have never used those words like that in one sentence...but it kind of conjurs up a picture that feels irritatingly slappable!) No, I’ve come about this feeling from a particularly painful place, a place very much like that wasteland full of illusions. 

I know there are days filled with overwhelm...I’m not discounting that and I’m not saying that those days don’t have their rightful place in our journey. But when we discount the joy, when we take it for granted, if we don't acknowledge it or worse still, if we don’t feel deserving or worthy of it, then sometimes all one needs is a good old jolt of pain to shake things up...shake loose the knife from between one’s shoulder blades and the other one lodged between one’s ribs.

I had one of those jolts last week. Luckily for me I was thrown into a cold shower of common sense along with some clarifying and caring words from near and far. Left to cogitate on this for a bit brought me to my conclusion that I ..you...we...have a clear cut choice...to either savour each joyful moment in the moment; envelope myself...yourself...ourselves in them like a soft terry towel ...or not. 

I choose the moment!

Joie de Vivre

oil on canvas by leslie taylor

me, myself and I

I had such good intentions to post regularly; if not daily at least weekly and now evidently I am unable to even squeak one out monthly. A post that is.

Not even making a finger to font commitment to get through a simple alphabet has borne much fruit.

Sigh

But… forge on I will…. make excuses for life getting in the way I wont.

And that is where we are in this 26 step program…

the letter I...

I guess I could wax lyrical about Integrity, or it’s lack thereof, or bemoan the abundance of Ignorance. I could even talk about how old wounds surrounding Infidelity have been slashed open with a fleeting visit to the island from Dorkus’s (my ex) mother; but maybe I will leave that for another day when I am feeling less ragged around the edges.
Interestingly when I found myself staring at the blank screen with the letter "i" staring back at me, it occurred to me how that little letter has become an institution all on it’s own.

Not only do we have the iMac, the iPad, the iPhone and the iPod there are all of their derivatives. And when I say ‘we’ I don’t mean ‘I’. Okay to be fair I do have an iMac so of course iLust after an iPad but I’ve not joined the Pod or Phone iLists. I know once I do the whole world of apps will open up to me and I will be lost.
Just last night friends were over for dinner and were playing phone-phone. They had us all in stitches with the talking cat and tweeting bird apps. I have no idea what they are called but believe me if you can tickle the tummy of a cat on the screen of your phone and have it smile and purr you will never be alone or without a smile on your face.

iDigress.

So back to those aforementioned iDerivatives which take their inspiration from various Apple products and are making huge in roads into the urban dictionaries; words like:
iHand - When a person uses their iPhone so much it becomes a part of their body.
iKnob - Anyone on god's green earth who owns an Ipod and brags about it.
iLick - The act of licking ones finger before flicking the page on any touch screen.
iGuitar - Similar to an air guitar but with an iPod in one hand, headphones in, the other hand moving like playing a guitar. Because nobody else can hear the music, they look a bit more than stupid.
Surely that person would qualify as an iKnob as well wouldn’t they?
iLord - One who is all Macintosh all the time; a Mac fiend. He has everything Mac has put out in the last ten years. (This would be my brother; no contest!)
iLone - When you find yourself among other people glued to their iPhones, while you are still part of the dying race of people that uses a phone to call. (This would be me.)
iPhone effect - shortly after one person in the group brings out their iphone, the rest follow suit, ultimately ending all conversation and eye contact.

"Hey, what do you want to order for drinks?"

"Not sure, let's see what Imbibe Magazine has for their best beer this month."

First iphone comes out of the pocket--enter safari search.

Next iphone comes out--enter Facebook post.

Third iphone makes an entrance -- the iphone effect has arrived.

iPhoney - A cell phone which copies the look and features of an iPhone.
iPeeper - a person who looks at someone's iPod screen to see what it is they are listening to.
iShattered - what happens to the glass screen when you drop your iPhone or iPad

And these definitions are very clever...
iVodka - The mixture of apple juice (of any kind) mixed with vodka (of any kind) or
iPerbole - The hype surrounding any product Apple unveils.

I just love the ones that have no connection to anything fruity or Mac but use the same construction like:
iGuess - Not knowing what the hell is going on...
iMail - "Idiot Mail" or the endless amount of ridiculous and inane email one receives from idiots all day long, especially at work or in a corporate context.
And of course, as with 'idiot' the whole word ‘inappropriate’ can also been shortened to an i and added on to whatever it might be describing...like an iComment or iDriving or iDancing or to a person e.g iDave - one who has no social skills or generally doesn’t seem to be able to say or do anything right.

The iOptions are endless...see... you can just make them up as you go along!

I must say I was mortified to find a whole genre of urban definitions using Ikea as its inspiration!

"Shit! I got Ikea'd"

- when you open something that unexpectedly needs to be assembled...or...

The 5 screws left over from putting that armoire together are a sure sign of an impending Ikeatastrophe

One could go on and on but one wont... one will end off with another little iWord....

If

This has been identified as the biggest little word in the english language.

If can do many things.

It can stop a contract from going through. It can stop a marriage.

It can step in and change one’s life dramatically. All those what ifs.

If can change you point of view, perspective and interest all at once.

If can stop love.

Thanks to the Urban Dictionary for the definitions

H is a shape too

I love Hearts.

They make me smile; feel Happy, Humble, Hopeful.

They make me feel calm on the inside; balanced.

People who know me well know this.

People who don't know me well soon learn this.

This ancient Heart was spotted whilst visiting the islands' palace gardens.

My favourite cheese board
Made with love...wood from the knysna forest in South Africa

metal Hearts with love birds

metal Hearts hanging on a Church pew at a friend's wedding

metal wire pebble filled Heart hanging in the garden

 

circular Hearts

slatted Hearts 

a mosaic Heart

a precious gift that graces my bathroom

I love how Hearts can even be found in Nature

"Your body is free but your heart is in prison.

To release your heart, you simply reverse the process which locked it up.

First you begin to listen to messages from your heart - messages you may have been ignoring since childhood.

Next you must take the daring, risky step of expressing your heart in the outside world...

As you learn to live by Heart, every choice you make will become another way of telling your story...

It is the way you were meant to exist.

If you stop to listen, you'll realize that your heart has been telling you so all along."

from Finding your own North Star

Martha Beck