Saturday, February 4, 2012

roll those rrrrrrr's

It really is as simple as that. 

One can wax lyrical about the relationship between reaping and sowing or the abundance and kindness of reciprocity but unless you have respect for self you have nothing to give. 

The wise ones go on about how one has to give it in order to get it. I really don't think that it should be about the getting of respect. Way too much emphasis is laid at that damned door. The perception is that if one is not getting respect then one must be a lesser mortal...not enough as is. Lives can be altered buying into that shit! I mean think about the hoops one jumps through at times in order to crack the nod. And why? Because we are made to feel we are not enough. One should not NEED to 'get 'if one 'has'. And if one has self respect then one is enough. 
And we all have it...we all start out with it totally intact. 
Of course if a child is put down, criticised and disparaged all its life then yes... it will WANT it. So here's the thing... prospective parents should make sure their respect for self is nice and strong and self sufficient before they take on the responsibility of having children. I mean how on earth can one teach a child about self respect when one has none? 
How will a mother be able to set an example to her daughters about respect if she has none for herself; if she allows the father to abuse her at any level? 
And if a father uses fear as a means to gain respect then that poor child will spend its life living in fear and yearning for and trying to get his approval. 
Of course once the big bad world is let in on this scenario that poor child will have become so accustomed to the fact that they are not worthy unless they are respected by others. Fuck that I say!!  I believe that what we should be teaching our children from the get go is how to preserve one's self to have more respect for to put into perspective the value of respect from others. This should be our religion!! Have faith in your self first and the rest will follow.

It is quite a thing to realise that that big black hole of need in one's life is due to the fact that a lot of the significant others in one's childhood... in my childhood life lacking in self respect. It's taken me a long time to realise that I have never needed respect from these significant people and if they have made me feel less than enough then  shame on them...shame on them for the little girl that once was. But the good thing is the little girl is a big girl now and she can see these things. 
The irony is that the less one feels the need for it the more one will just get it. You think about the people you really respect; if they are anything like the ones in my life then they will be folk who are resoundingly secure in their own skin, in their respect for self. They will also be resoundingly few and far between!! 
Of course we all have our little quirks of insecurity if we scratch beneath the surface but those will be the ebbs and flows of life, the occasional bumps like turbulence in our flight. They will not be life defining if we have that solid base of self respect. 
'Whatever you have forgotten, you can remember. Whatever you have buried you can unearth. If you are willing to look deep in your own nature, if you are willing to peel away the layers of not-self you have adopted in making your way through the tribulations of life, you will find that your true self is not as far removed as you think.'
-Meredith Jordan


  1. Amen Possum! Love this and so true. It is really just that simple. For me, the hard part is that now that I finally do and with trying to preserve it...I have lost a few friends but I know in my heart...that is the way it is meant to be.

  2. Tracy J...the hard part for me is realising the time lost...not the people for they were clearly never friends, they were just feeders!

  3. Possum, This is a very intelligent post and I found it quite helpful. I'm not sure you've been visiting me since I made my blog private. I won't be updated in your blog roll. After you accept the invitation to my blog, it's a good idea to bookmark the page. You have to remind yourself to read my blog. I post Monday - Friday, very early in the morning. I'll send you another invitation.

    Janie Junebug

  4. So very true. I have based my whole marriage around respect and trust. Respect for yourself, respect for each other.
    Even know I preach respect to my boys as they form relationships. Respect the girl, respect yourself.
    I struggle with self esteem, but I continue to learn to block out the negative voices that echo the past and focus on the positive.

    “Lizard Happy”


    If we all had respect for ourselves and others, the world could be Almost perfect...

    but thus, we do not. We do not.

    So Sad. This is the reason for wars, domestic violence, & hatred.

    Great post. x

  6. Wow! All so true - especially about the children. This is really evident in the school system today.

  7. Completely agree. There is a huge percentage of people who never go anywhere or accomplish anything of significance because they have no self-respect or self-esteem. Believing in yourself is a huge step toward a happy life.

  8. this was very well said and oh so true.

    i always, everyday, try to instil confidence and self-respect in my little mini-me...